I have very random conversations throughout my day. I surround myself with creative types and, well, the resulting banter is usually hilarious. Today’s random rambling was a discussion about melanin, most likely influenced by the fact that I could really use a bit of nature’s favorite pigment.
That’s right, I’m white. Extra white. Like a freshly bleached white tee. Well, ok, not quite. I’m more like an almond with a hint of olive oil because I’m a mideast mutt like that.”Off-white,” we will call it. Luckily I tan easily, but when was the last time I took a vacation? Seriously. I have no time to tan. So white as shit I remain. Tanning booths are supposedly cancerous and most self-tanning lotions smell really gross and I look bad in orange, so what’s left for me? Besides good ol’ sunshine (come next summer I will be tanning on my Bushwick rooftop). Then it hit me.
If they can pack THC into pill form, why not melanin?
Holy shit. I spazzed out to the recipient of the conversation, thinking I had the next pharmaceutical revolution on my hands.
And then I googled it. And got sad because melanin pills already exist.
Certified fuckery.
It’s incredible to me how vain society is that there is such a market for pharmaceuticals of a cosmetic nature. Botox, skin bleaching pills, melanin pills, diet pills, you name it. In my head the idea was genius – if you pigment yourself from the inside out you effectively avoid UV rays, tan lines, and shitty orange tones that come with tans, and spray tans. And you do all this with something that occurs in the body naturally anyway. Apparently the internet says the actual outcome isn’t quite so amazing.
Obviously the underlying problem here is society’s perception of what beauty is, but is that argument really necessary anymore? Not much to be said about that, that hasn’t been said before. See lovely Anne Hathaway up there? Proof that pale ass YT’s like myself can still be perfectly desirable. I think she’s my dermatological idol. Her counterpart in the picture? Well, he needs help.
The best part about this conversation was stumbling upon this messageboard thread. Humans need help. Quotables, shall we?
“After circumnavigating the globe and purposefully attempting to destroy the livelihoods, heritages, living cultures and physical bodies of every tribe of man they came ever in contact with, the Pale Human, the Euro-Peon, has finally received his just deserts and is now able to see the looming end of his woe-begotten days coming into view. He cannot reproduce at a level which will ensure his own survival. It won’t be long before he becomes nothing more than a paragraph in a Word History text-book. Period.”
Euro-Peon. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that sooner. I seriously had to stifle my laughter. I’m definitely stealing that.
“melanin is what give black people rhythm and soul, and has other benefits as well! ive heard that melanin is extracted from dead black people and injected into whites also they make these melanin pills with it. allegedly”
I’m speechless.
…OK, actually I’m not. But I’m just going to sum this up by saying that Googling your random conversations is one hell of a way to pass the time. Would you pop a tanning pill? Are pale pasty chicks fascinatingly hot? Hmmm…
